Who I am

Tiffany McDaniel Hairston
5 mins ·
Who I am
Sometimes I think I know - other times i have no idea. I know more of who & what I’m not than who I am. I always thought by my age you’d have all that sorted out. Today I looked in the mirror and very literally it was like a stranger was staring back at me…. I think part of all of this would be that…. I hate that person staring back at me she’s even more a mess then I guessed or believed. So while I can sit there and pick myself apart piece by piece exactly why I hate it & why it’s not right….which can only mean it’s wrong then-right? A small part of me in that moment knows it’s deeper. I’m sadly lacking in every possible area body & mind. It’s startling bc even when I start to think I’m doing better & figuring it out I look up & it’s like everything I thought I’d worked so hard on just keeps coming out all wrong & flawed. My body is wrong, my actions, my thoughts, my opinions…..it’d be all too easy today to decide I’m done bc I can’t get myself to go away….. I’m terrified of who I was, who I am and what I will be. How can anyone else be expected to like you when you hate you?
I feel like my world is spinning into absolute chaos. I have no control over anything at all. I feel sad, depressed, scared and worried that my fear of every person I care about leaving me and I’ll be alone….bc one person already left me when I didn’t expect it is a close reality. Another is doing all she can it seems and it perfectly understandable to just keep her feet on the floor. I like facts. I like plans. I like life scheduled but it doesn’t work that way. I don’t deal without plans, without a checklist… Even with those things it’s like I’m barely breathing. I just wish my life had a map I could see…..then if I couldn’t avoid the unwanted I could prepare bc it feels like on the edge & it’s exhausting. It’d be nice to feel safe to feel sure to know I’m going to be okay. That I’m not the worst mother, wife,daughter, sister, friend, human.
I think about am I falling or flying? Am I living or dying. I think if I looked at the whole picture I’m falling & dying. But I catch fleeting glimpses or the feeling I’m flying & living even if just briefly….I guess that’s where I trip up bc I think to myself exactly that - there are moments like yesterday where I felt great but then I’m passing the bathroom sink & all I see is a stranger looking back who’s failing miserably at everything she’s trying to do & then I feel like an idiot or fraud for misrepresenting myself….TO ME.


Q
Do you remember when was the last time Taylor and Katy Perry interacted on social media publicly? Or when was the last time they had a photo together? I was just curious because as far as I knew, I thought that they were still friends, but after watching the audience cam from Taylor's performance, I noticed that Katy looked 100% unimpressed the entire time. Her reaction (or non-reaction) was more offensive than Miley's! What's going on there?? I love(d) their friendship!!
Anonymous
A

ohsoswiftly:

Last social media interaction was this tweet https://twitter.com/katyperry/status/337414131609108481 and Taylor’s reply: https://twitter.com/taylorswift13/status/337418606264610816

No idea what happened since, maybe it had something to do with her going back with John, maybe it has to do with how she took Taylor’s dancers in the middle of her tour (they were originally Katy’s, but they left mid-tour to go back with Katy. Taylor unfollowed them all on twitter and they were all hangin with Katy.) And after that drama there was this: If you notice at last year’s VMAs, in an interview she ignores Sway when he mentions Katy - http://www.mtv.com/ontv/vma/videos/taylor-swift-tells-sway-shes-super-excited-about-lady-gagas-performance/943309/#id=1712592 

Just throwing out some ideas, I don’t know if we’ll ever really know the reason(s) behind their fallout.


Bunny in a bunny suit

pretending to be myself again
acting as if I was who I am
wearing the clothes that I always wear
and doing the usual thing to my hair

pretending to be myself again
imitating the person I’ve always been
legally changing my name to my name
and making believe I’m exactly the same

a bunny in a bunny suit
tiger in a tiger mask
who in the world do you think that I am
I suppose it depends on who you ask

of all the disguises I’ve ever worn
I flatter myself in the most sincere form
still I’m kept at a distance by friends
for just pretending to be myself again

a bunny in a bunny suit
vampire with plastic teeth
who in the world do I think that I am
I guess it depends on who I believe


pretending to be myself again
acting as if I was who I am
wearing the clothes that I always wear
and doing the usual thing to my hair
pretending to be myself again
imitating the person I’ve always been legally changing my name to my name and making believe I’m exactly the same

pretending to be myself again
acting as if I was who I am
wearing the clothes that I always wear
and doing the usual thing to my hair

pretending to be myself again
imitating the person I’ve always been legally changing my name to my name and making believe I’m exactly the same



DIY chop shop….trying to get rid of the purple #ugly #horror #paperbag #itsmyrealface #sorry #life #blah

DIY chop shop….trying to get rid of the purple #ugly #horror #paperbag #itsmyrealface #sorry #life #blah



(x)

(via eyesopen)


(via ed-sheeran)


ed-sheeran:

award show nights are the night that u see peoples’ true colors…



“Every artist has their set of priorities. Being looked at as sexy? Not really on my radar. But nice? I really hope that that is the impression. But I don’t care if that’s not cool, to seem nice or not. I’m not that focused on being cool and I never have been.”

Every artist has their set of priorities. Being looked at as sexy? Not really on my radar. But nice? I really hope that that is the impression. But I don’t care if that’s not cool, to seem nice or not. I’m not that focused on being cool and I never have been.

(via ifreakinlovetaylorswift)


But I keep cruising, can’t stop, won’t stop moving. It’s like I got this music in my mind and saying, “It’s gonna be alright.”

(via plaidswiftdays)


(via ed-sheeran)


Q: “Who is the boss?”

(via eyesopen)


ohsoswiftly:

Taylor Swift ET Interview @ VMAs

(via eyesopen)